


i want your ugly, i want your disease

by chartreuse_tendencies



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 10:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1936680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chartreuse_tendencies/pseuds/chartreuse_tendencies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote this back in...2009 maybe? But I finally wanted to make an account for some new stuff I'm writing, so here's an old thing while I'm still deliberating over that. This was written during season 5, while speculation about who God was going to be was still ongoing, and they were setting up for Dean-as-Michael vs. Sam-as-Lucifer (if I recall correctly). This was the result of one of the sillier suggestions brought up by ontd_spnparty, when it still existed (RIP).</p><p>Castiel meets God at the end of the world. It's not quite who he was expecting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i want your ugly, i want your disease

This is it. The world is ending and the earth beneath Castiel's feet shatters into a million pieces. Behind him he hears the sickening crunch as brother lays blow after blow on brother. His vessel sways and threatens to fall; Castiel clutches a hand to his chest and pulls it away to find it covered in fresh blood. He sinks to his knees, croaking, "Father, save us," and squeezes his eyes shut as the sky explodes in clouds of silver glitter.  
  
Um. Castiel reconsiders this last part. It has now become oddly quiet save for an odd, repetitive click-click-click. The sound comes nearer and nearer, and Castiel reaches for the blade in his trench coat pocket, ready to strike, until whatever it is finally slows and stops directly in front of his stooped figure. Castiel dares to open his eyes and finds himself face-to-face with a pair of impossibly tall sparkly high heels.  
  
"Mm," hums an ethereal female voice above him. "Honey, this is _so_ not fabulous."  
  
Before Castiel can react, two ice-cold fingers with sharp crimson nails tuck under his chin and lift him to a standing position. The platinum-blonde girl he encounters stares sharply through heavily made-up eyes. He recognizes the gaze immediately and his mouth goes dry. Dean's amulet burns hot against his chest.  
  
"You heard my call," he breathes.  
  
"Castiel!" she - well, She - exclaims, eyes widening dramatically. "Oh baby, you look like _shit_." She presses a palm to his chest, and Castiel takes his first deep breath in what seems like ages. He regards the young woman more closely, and his eyes narrow.  
  
"I know you," Castiel says suspiciously, then corrects himself, "I know your vessel. You are an artist. Not quite a Creator of all."  
  
Her sparkly red lips break into a smile, revealing perfect white teeth. "Oh, honey. Art is life, life is art... The question is, what came first?" She absentmindedly twirls a finger through the crystal beads draped over Her scantily clad body. Castiel tries not to stare too much. The whole thing seems a little Oedipal to him.  
  
"Why didn't you come earlier?" is the only thing he can think of to ask.  
  
"Well, I thought I'd teach all my little monsters -" She spreads Her pale white hands wide "- a bit of a lesson. And the place needed a little cleaning up anyway. Like, Noah's Flood: The Sequel, right?" She takes a moment to regard the destruction around Her as if She had just re-painted Her apartment. She turns back to look at Castiel. "But I'm like you, sweetie. I love all my humans. Both the fans and the haters. I couldn't destroy all the lovely things I created, now could I? I mean, I made them." She giggles and snaps Her fingers. Castiel stares as the earth and sky knit back together, trees upright themselves and re-green, grass flows over the world like water. Slowly, the bodies strewn around them heal, then begin to stir as they wake from their long sleep.  
  
"Well, I've gotta go," She trills happily. "Universe to watch over and all that. Keep an eye on those Winchester boys for me, will you? Oh," She adds, a mischievous look in Her eye, "You and Dean can write whatever kind of romance you'd like." She winks, pirouettes, and is gone in a puff of glitter.  
  
When he finally finds Dean and Sam, both of them angel-less and whole, Dean can only laugh until he's hoarse, and Castiel doesn't understand why until he looks in the mirror a little later.  
  
His trench coat is covered in rhinestones.

**Author's Note:**

> ...it was Lady Gaga, if that wasn't clear enough by the title and references. I imagine her wearing the crystal rosary from the Bad Romance video. The "art is life, life is art" thing is an actual quote from her. Sorry not sorry.


End file.
